I'm Back!!!!!!!

I know, another blog starting out about how busy I've been, and haven't written, but actually my old computer wouldn't let me on my own blog. NOW, I have a new computer, and sooo much to share. Some huge things, like Jason, Anni and Evy were all electrocuted and survived  last year all  covered in Roxi's blog: Roxengstrom.blogspot.com in much more detail and wisdom than I could ever describe it. Ironically, tho, she called me while I was watching the Blackhawks play, and they are in the playoffs again, so I guess I'm just a little over a year late in that story.  They are home, and the girls are sleeping in the next room because they are going to my church's VBS all week, so how great is that?   
    Other big news, is Roxi is having our first grandson. We are all thrilled except that she suffers so with HG, and has been sooo ill. Again, details are on her blog. We all went to Disney World with the girls in January and had a wonderful time. Roxi didn't know she was pregnant yet.
     In Feb, Steve and I went to New Zealand for two weeks! It was wonderful! Will have to add pics later.
     Katy got her own territory in Virginia Beach, and we have been out twice, me three times, to see her. She has a new fella, a Navy deep sea diver named Travis. They are coming home to the lake for July 4th so everyone else can meet him. He seems like a really nice guy. Artistic and sensitive. Not crazy about his tattoos, but he's a sailor, right?
     Rob and Mel are still living together, and real estate in Chicago is slowly starting to pick up. They got a new car and a new place this last year. Would like a wedding and more grandkids, but I'm trying to be patient.
      My Dad is still living with Tanya and Jari, and I see him almost everyday. He loves seeing the girls, and we are going to take him out with Rob tomorrow night. He was getting depressed and drinking too much again, but through the Hospice people they found a volunteer that comes once a week to visit him. He and Mark really hit it off since they were both engineers, and it has been such a blessing for Tanya and me.
    Since it is getting late, and two darling little girls will be calling,"Bibi" first thing tomorrow morning, I better get to sleep. Now that I'm back, I'll try to keep in touch more than once a year......

Hangin' In There

The month is coming to a close with an extra day, but I seem to just be going through the motions of day to day living. Sunday would have been my parents 64 anniversary, so I took Tanya, Kitty, and my Dad to Red Lobster to celebrate. He got all dressed up to go out with his girls! We had a really fun time, and it made the day pass without too much stress for my Dad. He is actually do quite well. I think after living with Mom's constant falling and dementia for over two years, he feels somewhat relieved that he doesn't have to worry about her anymore. He couldn't take care of her anymore, and that lack of control over a situation frustrated him. He also has a new found respect for Tanya which is great. She is pampering him well. Dr. Chang came to check him out last week, and when Tanya described what happened with my Mom, he said he thought she had had a blood clot in her lungs. It was the only answer for him that would take her so quickly. What is strange, is that is the same way Steve's Mother died.
A friend of mine from church, who was dealing with her mother's dementia, lost her mother on Valentine's Day. We hugged on Ash Wednesday, and decided to do lunch around Mother's Day to share our memories. I was lucky tho, that Mom was lucid. Her mother was angry and mean the last months before she passed.
Great Performances last week had the Broadway musical "Memphis" on, and I so wanted to call her to tell her to watch it, because I know she would have loved it. Watching the Academy Awards without her seemed weird too. I think about her fondly, but it is strange that I seem to be doing okay otherwise. I know a lot of people are praying for me, and I feel that support, because I am not wallowing in grief. Maybe it is because we didn't have a service yet. Or, like Dad, I truly feel she is in a better place and didn't enjoy living stuck in bed. I've never lost anyone close before, so I am making my way down this unknown path slowly and carefully. 88 years is a good life. Losing a child would be far harder. I also told Roxi, that in a way, I feel like I had already lost my Mother to the dementia. Once you have to parent your parent, you stop being the child in a way. I'm just moving on, hoping that I don't suddenly fall down the rabbit hole of despair. But right now, I'm hanging in there, so thanks for the prayers, they're working to keep me sane....

Time Flies and I've Lost My Heroine!

Can't believe it's been over a year since I actually have posted anything. It's not like I didn't have anything to post. It was that so much was constantly happening, that I was too tired to put it all into words. As I mentioned before, we kept the last male puppy who we renamed Jager, so three dogs were fun but, time consuming. Holidays came and went, and then suddenly, Roxi, Anni and Evy came home for urgent medical needs for poor little Evy. Jason came later. Thankfully, after too many doctor visits and blood draws to count, it was determined that Evy would be fine, and probably out grow her high fevers and seizures that sent them home to us.

They did stay long enough for Katy to graduate from U of I, and then they went back to Zanzibar, and Katy moved to Atlanta for her new job, with Merial. Our summer was rather lonely, as no one really came up to the lake but us and the three dogs.
The fall brought a different concern. My dear Mother who kept falling was finally forced to move out of Windsor and into a home Robbie found for them, so they could live with a 24 hour caregiver. So, we packed, unpacked, found Tanya and Nejari, to live and care for them. Daddy had a collapsed lung while we were hunting in Michigan, and before we had actually moved them into their new house. All was well for a few weeks after we got him out of the hospital, and Katy came home for Thanksgiving! Then, started a downward spiral of circumstances that I don't even want to recall. Mom fell again, got aspirational pneumonia because her dementia worsened from the fall. This cycle was repeated twice between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hospital, rehab, hospital, and then the dreaded word-hospice! Don't get me wrong. Hospice workers are the most caring and incredible people I have ever met. It was the only way, Mom was able to come home for Christmas, and after weeks of confusion, she was lucid most of the time. I was no longer her sister, but her daughter again. We spent hours going over the pictures from her life, and sharing stories. Tanya and Nejari would play games with her, and Katy and Robbie had a chance to be present with her too. Thanks to Skype, she was even able to talk with Roxi and the girls. We celebrated New Year's and Daddy's 90th birthday! Even though she was confined to her bed, she was doing much better, and the doctor thought we might be able to take her off hospice.
So in January Steve and I, Robbie and Mel, met up with Katy in Florida for the annual DVM convention in Orlando. It was a time to get away, as well as see Katy at work. We visited with our dear friend, John, and my Mother's real sister(not me), Jerry and her husband, Bill. Two weeks later, Steve and I had his SCI convention in Las Vegas, and again we thought we could go, since Mom was doing so well. However, Daddy had been getting more depressed, and was drinking more, which in turn caused much stress for Mom, Tanya, and me.
So, on Groundhogs Day, a day I never want to repeat, my wonderful, loving, creative, heroine suddenly passed on without me being there. Luckily, I had called her an hour before, and talked with her. She was fine. Then I got an urgent, frantic call from Tanya. She said Mom couldn't breathe even though she had given Mom morphine, the nebulizer and oxygen. Mom told her to call me, and I only had a few minutes to tell her I loved her and then she was gone! It was like a whirling nightmare! Poor Tanya and my Dad were devastated and I was in shock in the middle of a convention hall! How could the woman who gave me life, just be gone without me there to kiss her goodbye?
Today was Super Bowl Sunday for the rest of America, for me, it was the long trip home to reality. I was comforted by many, and distracted by the convention during the day, but at night, the quiet brought tears and such a feeling of aloneness. I know she is in a better place with her Lord. I know she did not want to live in the circumstances she found herself in. She had always been a fighter; a stubborn, German Dutchman! While in the hospital she was pulling out IVs, trying to talk anybody to help her get out of there, and after she was home, she dreamed of throwing her old, worn out legs over the bed so she could get up! I think her heart just gave out trying to fight with her circumstance.
Besides all the wonderful things she did in her life to make me a proud daughter, the one that always made me see her as a heroine was the story of her getting thrown off a public bus in Memphis after the war. She had given her seat to an elderly, black woman during the time of segregation, and both were forced to get off the bus. My Father's Father was a racist. My Mother taught me the sin in that way of thinking. She also taught me that if someone gives you lined paper, to write the other way!
I find it comforting and curious that the woman holding her hand as she entered Heaven was Tanya, a loving and caring black woman who loved my Mother as her own, even though she only knew her a few months. When I first met her in the interview, we both felt God's hand in bringing us together. We called each other "sistas", and strongly felt that we were intermingling our lives because it was God's Will. Her son Nejari, has become apart of my family too. He fills the void I have from not seeing my own grandchildren, yet I can't wait for him to meet them.
God works in strange ways, and we should not question His wisdom in directing the choices we make.
Pastor Patrick from Hospice came immediately to be with Dad and Tanya, and he called me in Vegas to pray with me. He said that often times people can choose when they leave, and they go when they think it will be less stressful on those they love. I don't know if I completely agree with that, but I am grateful I didn't have to witness what poor Tanya did. I can remember the last month of conversations with Mom, not the helplessness of trying to save her, or see her after she was gone.
My Mother was artistic, creative, compassionate, especially towards animals. She loved to read, see plays and movies. The last movie Kitty and I took her to, was "The Help". Ironic, I think. She loved flea markets and antiques! She loved beautiful things of any kind. She loved roses and lavender. She was strongly conservative, and hated what has been happening to our country lately. She was worried about the future of her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Having lived through the depression and four wars, she thought we were on the verge of loosing America, and it scared her. Her friend from Collinsville wrote me to say, "she was a remarkable, loving, and caring person. She shared smiles, and her happy outlook on life made you happy to see her." That was my Mom!
The following are two beautiful emails of comfort sent to me while I was in Vegas:
One Door Closes..Another Opens Revelations 3:8 When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! 'The power of one sentence! God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close...
~DEATH~ WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT ..
A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to
Leave the examination room and said,
'Doctor, I am afraid to die.
Tell me what lies on the other side.'
Very quietly, the doctor said, 'I don't know..'
'You don't know? You're, a Christian man,
and don't know what's on the other side?'
The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,
And as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room
And leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
'Did you notice my dog?
He's never been in this room before.
He didn't know what was inside.
He knew nothing except that his master was here,
And when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.
I know little of what is on the other side of death,
But I do know one thing...
I know my Master is there and that is enough.'
May today there be peace within you..
May you trust God that you are exactly
Where you are meant to be.
I believe that friends are quiet angels
Who lift us to our feet when our wings
Have trouble remembering how to fly.

They both give me such comfort because I know Mom knew her Master was in the next room, and like all the dogs she loved, she was ready to leap into the room and fly with Him where she was free of her bed, and she could soar like the angel she was! She told the pastor weeks ago she was ready to meet God, and to see her Father and her friends that went before her. So I envision her decorating her new location, and preparing it for all of us to follow. I love you Mom, and will miss you so....until we meet each other again in His home for us.....

Here and Gone

The week before Christmas, we found a wonderful home for our Little Big Man pup. A sweet lady from the doggie park had told a relative from MA that we had GSHP pups. After a few phone calls, John decided to make the long drive to get our pup, while doing some work on the way. However, he had no idea when he left, that he would be driving through one of the worse blizzards in Ontario history. After another long drive home, he and Blitz (pup's new name) are doing great! He was an exceptional puppy, and we hated to see him go, but I had the feeling this was a special home for him. John loves to hike 3 to 5 miles a day, and Blitz would run till his little heart gave out. So having a kind of Steinbeck journey(Travels with Charlie), both are doing well.

A hunter had wanted which ever pup was left, but when I called to tell him Ditka was left, he informed me that his wife wouldn't let him get the pup. We just couldn't leave him alone at the hospital, so he came home with us for Christmas. Katy came home too. We all decided that this little guy who had been the first pup to find a home only to be returned, and then had had 3 other people who wanted him, only to be left last, was still here for a reason that only God knew. So we are keeping him. We changed his name to Mr. Jagermiester Shot, to be called Jager. He is very handsome and a real lover. He is much calmer than Madison for the most part. He does have his Jagermonster moments, however. Maddie loves attacking her brother, and Dipity is relieved that Maddie is not attacking her. So now there are three!

Thus began the Christmas that went to the dogs. The weekend before Christmas Rob, Steve and Katy all went pheasant hunting with Dip in Iowa to return with 73 birds! Auntie Data stayed home with me and the kids. I only put up a little Charlie Brown tree, as I knew the pups would eat the big tree. Since Anni and Evy would not be here, this Christmas would be low key for sure. The highlight was after the candle light Christmas Eve service we all SKYPED Roxi and family. Evy, the birthday girl, was asleep, but we did get to open gifts via computer together. It is a wonderful thing, but not the same as being in the same room. I had taped a book for the girls. When Roxi heard my voice and realized what it was, she started crying. Anni was so cute. She told her Mom not to cry. That when they saved enough money they could come visit Chicago. How sweet. It broke my heart to hear Roxi cry though, and I couldn't hug her.

Katy would be leaving the day after Christmas for her marathon bus ride to the Houston Bowl game, and Rob would only be home for dinner, so I would have to settle for one day. We finally got to meet Mel, the girl Rob has been dating, as she was able to come to dinner with him. My parents came with their new Bogie as Santa.
Katy and Santa Bogie

After dinner they all went big game hunting on the new Wii, while I loaded the dishwasher.

Steve finishing the last glass of wine while the creatures weren't stirring. So after a few hectic days of preparations, a few hours of eating, and visiting, we were alone again with our dogs who always love us, and want to be with us as much as they can. So this will be remembered as my dog Christmas. Last year, Princesses and new baby girl, this year, pups! God thank you for healing Evy, finding wonderful homes for my pups, protecting and loving my children wherever they roam, and keeping my parents safe. So to all a goodnight...........

Have Fallen into Winter

I have meant to write so many times this fall, but once again my life was a blur of puppies, football games, holidays, and work. We had a gorgeous warm fall that just seemed to fly by, and are now entrenched in cold and snow. We were either at U of I football games, or at the lake closing the house for the season. It was Katy's last year as an Illinette, so each game was a sad countdown ending with Dad's Day and Senior Day on the same weekend.
Senior girls crying after the Three in One for the last time, but there is a Bowl Game yet.

Dad and Katy after playing drinking games at the apartment. Both were pretty tired and emotionally worn out after their last Dad's Day game and miserable loss.

One weekend we had the AKL reunion and grand re-opening of the new house. John and many of our old college friends were down for the weekend. Good memories were had by all.
Then Homecoming before the last home game. Many fun tail gates with old friends, and a chance to finally meet Rich's parents and extended family. Katy even got her new Yemm car!!!Even though we had many close games that we lost, including one to Michigan in the third overtime, we won our sixth game against Northwestern at Wrigley Field, and thus became bowl eligible. So Katy will be leaving the day after Christmas to get on a bus for 18 hours to Houston for the game on the 29th. We thought about going, but with the economy being so bad, we thought we better just watch it on TV. The basketball team has also started off with only one loss in overtime, so I am still hoping for a Final Four year!
After one of the football games, we rushed back on Sunday to show the pups, and were able to sell the two girls on the same day. Both have great homes, and the families really love them. We saw them two weeks after selling them for their last shots. Sally, now Gracie, lives in WI, and has already been hunting. Serenity, now Rascal, has her own dogie door and fenced in yard and a loving elderly couple who spoil her. Last weekend we also sold Butkus to an old employee and client of ours. They had lost a young GSHP a few weeks before, and Jorie, one of our receptionist brought him out to show Sue. He had almost found a home over Thanksgiving, but the family had two young children, and the wife thought she couldn't handle them and a new puppy. Butkus learned his lesson, and really sold himself by being calmer, and very loving. This time he found a home!

So we only have two boys left. Gary, our trainer, took them out the other day, and said both will be great hunters. I have been taking them with Maddie and Dip to the dog park as often as I can. Speaking of dog park, over a month ago, I was tackled by three huge dogs while I was out there with my pups. I was thrown into the air and landed on my tailbone and head! For the next three to four weeks, walking or climbing stairs especially, was extremely painful. I felt like three offensive linemen had hit me, and I don't understand why people do that for fun. It gave me a whole new understanding of pain watching the football games, I can tell you that.

The most upsetting thing that happened though was that in Africa my sweet little Evy became very ill. First she had a seizure, and finally was treated for typhoid fever! She is now fine, but it was very scary knowing how ill she was, and how far away they are, and how helpless I was. Roxi describes the entire ordeal far better than I could on her blog. All I can say is thank God for being with her, and curing her.

In a few weeks she'll be one year old. She doesn't even know us. Christmas will come and go, and no little voices of glee or excitement in my house. With Maddie, our puppy, I have decided to not even decorate this year, because she'll just eat everything. but deep down, I'm not in the mood to go through all that work for a childless house. Last year it was so much fun decorating the tree with Anni, and watching her tear into her princess presents, that I fear this year will be pretty disappointing. Katy and Rob just want and need money, so the only gifts will be for my folks. I spent a cold night, or I should say morning, on Black Friday to get a new TV/ Wii combo at Best Buy for our gift to each other. So instead of grandchildren this year, I'll have to settle for grand puppies. Thus my little Charlie Brown tree on the table will work out much better. And I will just have to remember that Christ is with those I love so far away.

Besides my puppies, my folks now have a new Bogie pup. We had to put their old Bogie down because he had liver cancer. A very difficult decision for my parents. SO while I was placing ads to sell my pups, I found them a duplicate Bogie, so no one at Winsdor would know that Bogie I was gone. The new puppy is darling, and looks just like the old Bogie, only lighter and full of energy! He and Maddie love chasing each other when ever they can. Thanksgiving was nuts with those two lapping the house repeatedly. A small but thankful Thanksgiving. At least we didn't make a trip to the ER or get robbed like last year!

Well at least that is a brief update on my crazy life. So much excitement in so little time. After Katy graduates this spring, life will be so boring without all the football weekends to look forward to. Maybe I'll go back to doing more theatre things. Oh, by the way, I am teaching drama at the community center. It is sad and rewarding. It has taken some time to get their imaginations going, but I am finally seeing a little success. One little boy hugged me and said how sorry he was when I was gone because of previously mentioned dog wipeout. It warmed my heart. It is nice to be missed.
Katy will be home in a few days, and she, Rob, and Steve will go pheasant hunting with Dip in Iowa, while I puppy sit. Then Christmas, Bowl game, New Year's, Katy and my Dad's birthday, a trip to Florida for the DVM convention, my birthday and Rob's birthday. Looks like life will just keep swirling by unless I have another dog wipeout. Bless all and all of mine. Thank you God for all your gifts and blessings, and for your Son, the REASON for the SEASON despite what the ACLU says. Especially thankful for the election results which hopefully can save this great country from those who are trying to destroy us from within.

A SAD UPDATE

This morning I heard Dip barking, and when I looked outside, Bill, our friend who had bought Ditka was at the door. He was coming back to return little Ditka. He and all his neighbors loved the puppy, but Ditka was just too much for this 66 year old man to take care of by himself. He had purchased all kind of food, treats and toys for Ditka, so I know he was really happy to have a puppy, but after almost a week of a little puppy needing undivided attention, he had grown tired and fearful that he couldn't do what was best for the puppy. He said he didn't want to yell or punish him, or keep him in a crate most of the day. I am very sad for both Bill and Ditka. Men just find it more difficult to be caregivers. For women, a puppy is no big thing, after raising a child! What they don't realize is that they need a strong voice, and a little swat on the butt to grow up and be a well behaved good dog. Poor Ditka had to go into the kennels at work, since he can climb out of the pen, so I'm sure he doesn't understand why he's back in the group of unwanted.
Steve has decided that since he wants to keep the puppies two to a run, I should bring Sally home. We both think she is sweet, and definitely has Dip's personality, so for now at least, we are keeping two girls. We have lowered the price on them, hoping to sell them sooner rather than later. The other sad thing is that many of Steve's GSHP clients that have seen the pups all think they are exceptional, but have just gotten a new pup (reason they are in to see Steve) or they breed themselves. Please, Lord, help these darling bundles of love and sharp little teeth find a good home soon. For now, I am just sad....................

A Big Illini Win, and Ditka finds a Home!

Today was one of those beautiful Indian summer days, with the temp reaching the high seventies. I was hoping two people who had been interested in the pups were going to come over to see them today, but to our surprise an old client and friend found out from his neighbor that we had pups, and came to see them. (The other two people didn't even call to say they weren't coming, #@X%!!!) But Bill came right over, and after carefully studying the pups, decided he wanted Ditka, the largest male, so he has a new wonderful home, and we will see him often. Bill and Ditka going home!

Bill is now retired, and he had been taking care of his sick sister, but she recently passed, and he needed someone to care for, and Ditka will be properly spoiled, as all good dogs deserve. My Mother always said that "If you can't spoil a dog, why have one!"
The owner of the sire of the litter came to see the pups, too, and took all the information to send to his friends, since he thought the pups looked fantastic. His male had just won another Grand Championship this week. I told him the least Bandit could do is find a good home for some of the pups. (Like doggie child support.) The others seem to know Ditka is gone, but they don't know where he went. However, they are all sleeping closer together right now. I hope we find other homes soon, since Serenity has learned how to climb out of the fence! And Sally is now trying to escape too.
The other exciting event that happened today is that for the first time in the history of U of I, they beat Penn State at Penn State, 33 to 13! The really sweet thing was that it was their Homecoming, and they had planned on killing us again! The team is coming together. Our defense is pretty good since we gave Ohio State a scare last weekend, and out new quarterback and our running backs are doing quite well, so the year doesn't look like it will be as bad as we thought it would be. How nice it would be to become bowl eligible Katy's senior year. We thought we would have to wait for basketball season to enjoy some Illini victories. Our b-ball team is suppose to be really good, and with some luck, we were wishing a Final Four appearance would be a nice finish to her Illinette career, but we good definitely take both with the help of God!
Tomorrow we head to the lake to put the boat and jet skis away. Rob is going up with us to help. I can't believe the summer season went by so quickly. I sure hope Anni and Evy will be able to be here next season.
Update on Bogie. He has liver cancer, and this week my parents were afraid they would have to put him down, but Steve gave him some medicine. He won't eat dog food, but he's hanging in there with seemingly no pain, so, so for so good. I started looking on line for a replacement, but they have decide to hold off for now. Mom keeps saying she wants him to lasts as long as she does, which is a little scary. She thinks if he goes, she should, and she has no health problems right now. She loves it when I take Maddie over for a visit. Bogie, not so much.
So this quick update must be interrupted to put the other five pups outside for the last time tonight, so I can get some sleep before tomorrow's big day at the lake.