Sisters

This past weekend my Aunt Jerry flew up from Florida to visit my Mother, her sister. We all went up to the lake house for a nice family bonding weekend. My Mother had been looking forward to seeing her little sis for months. I'm sure they both realize that Mom can't make it to Florida again, as we had some difficulty just getting her up to the lake. There is about 14 years difference in their ages, I believe. Rob, Katy and Rich all came up to spend the weekend too, which made it a really special visit. We played pool on the new table, we played the name game, a family favorite invented by Jason, and ate great food.

I am an only child, and always thought I would love to have a sister. I know when you are younger, jealousy occurs between siblings, but as you reach adulthood, the closeness of having a sister is a bond I will never have, even though I have had some great friends I wish were my sisters. Roxi and Katy have that special bond, and even Anni and Evy will have shared memories of a life in Africa together, that others can never completely understand. My Mom and Aunt Jerry have a bond of a long life in St. Louis before they each moved to new cities far away from each other.

My Aunt Jerry is one of the greatest people I know. She is witty, beautiful, kind, and just plain fun to be with. Even at my wedding, Steve's groomsmen wanted to pickup my aunt in her long, sexy purple dress. I do see her every January when we go to Florida for a DVM convention, and about every other year, she has joined us in NYC for our Broadway trip. My Mother use to be able to go to NYC, too, but no more. Thus, I was thrilled when Aunt Jerry said she would come visit us, and I was grateful that we could entertain her and my Mom at the lake. I don't know if this will be their last visit together, I certainly hope not. Hopefully they can both come to a future wedding for Rob or Katy, or come see Roxi return from Africa. But for now, we made some great memories for two great sisters.

We also celebrated Rich fantastic score of 34 on his test for medical school. Now he just has to hope the health care bill gets repealed so he doesn't have to work for the government.

We had Data for two weeks so she could get groomed, and Dip was thrilled that Rob came to take her home again. They are step-sisters in the dog world, but there is no love shared between them. In fact, they have a hate relationship! And they proceeded to fight when Steve yelled after the overtime score of the Blackhawk game Friday night. Of course on Sunday, the Blackhawks won again, thus for the first time since the 1960's have a chance to win the Stanley Cup this next week.

I just want to thank everyone who took the time to come for the sister reunion. Wonderful memories were made by all. We even tried to skype with Roxi again, so she and Katy could visit too. They could see us, but we could only hear them which again was disappointing, yet amazing that we could even hear them half a world away. Sure wish I had a sister though, so if someone wants to be my sister, let me know.

Some Random Thoughts on Moms and Mother's Day

Here is a picture of the gifts I received from two of my children for Mother's Day. The purple flowers were from Katy, and the bamboo plant from Rob! I also got to skype with Roxi and Anni on Mother's Day. After Katy's flowers came, Steve and I drove up to the lake house after picking up Rob from the train in Harvard. On Saturday we had had lunch at Macaroni Grill with my Mother and Dad , to celebrate her birthday and Mother's Day combined. I am so lucky to have my Mother still alive, and to have three loving, bright, healthy children. A mom's dream come true is to have her children make her proud everyday, and mine do just that! As I have said before, I often feel like my children are teaching me, rather than the other way around.

Although I'm sure we only have a Mother's day to make the card companies and florists rich, it is nice that for a day, we can relay to the most important person in our life what we feel all year long. At least that is the Hallmark idea, right? After all, your mother gave birth to you after hours of labor, went through nine months of getting fat for you, and then proceeded never to let you forget it!

Motherhood has so many myths surrounding it, doesn't it? When you first find out you are pregnant you are either thrilled beyond belief or scared out of your mind. It all depends on if you wanted to be a mother, or if you are ready to be a mother. Women are all ages and are all in different stages of their lives when they get the news that they will be a MOTHER! The miracle, the blessing of a child is God's greatest gift. To have a little piece of immortality growing inside of you is so awesome and terrifying at the same time. The sudden weight of the responsibility of not only giving birth to a healthy baby, but then to raise it to adulthood without harm or damage. After all, if the child grows up to have any problems, the first thing the shrink will ask is,"what kind of Mother did you have?" We can't win, it is always our fault, right? A Mother's guilt is our own destructive tool. We either feel guilty, or we try to make our offspring feel guilty. Maybe it is the curse of Eve.

And with all this responsibility, there comes no direction manual, no guidance, no real relief. For at least the next 18 years, the child is stuck with you wandering around trying not to make the same mistakes you thought your mother made raising you. I guess that is why most of us somehow grow up just fine. Blind luck. Each generation tries to be better than the last, yet those old tapes play in our heads, and at some point or another, we hear our mother's words that we promised we'd never say to our children, coming right out of our own mouths!

The fantasy of motherhood and the reality collide at different times for each of us, but they do collide! We all grow into being the best mom we can differently. The bond between a child and their mother should be a sacred, loving bond, that is sometimes challenged, but because of the unconditional love we have for our own child, it can never be broken.

That has been my experience with my Mother and with being a mother. However, everyday we see the emptiness when one part of the bond doesn't hold up their end. Poverty, drugs, even death separate mothers and children all the time. Even wealth can be as destructive as poverty. People sending their children off to camps and boarding schools for someone else to nurture their own. Katy witnessed this a few years back when she went to the Sail Caribbean camp with wealthy kids from the Hamptons. One poor boy was not allowed to go home when the ship docked, because without consulting him, his parents had signed him up for another three weeks. I can't even imagine that loneliness that child must have felt. And as a mom, I couldn't wait to pick Katy up from the airport because I had missed her so, and it was the first time she had been away from home for three weeks.

For me, one of the greatest thrills about being a mom is watching how each little child develops into its own person with dreams and goals you couldn't even imagine for him or her.

And the next most amazing thing, is to watch your child become a mother in her own right, to watch the next generation become an amazing child of God. I hope I can live long enough to see great-grandchildren, like my parents have seen, but I got started so late in life with the whole motherhood thing, I don't know if I can hang around long enough to realize that dream without being a burden on my children. Time will tell, I guess. I know my parents are so proud to see my children and the next generation achieve things they never even imagined.

Yes, Motherhood is a wonderful miracle, a God given gift, despite the pain and tears that sometimes come with it. Even though there are mistakes, misunderstandings, fears, and confusion on both sides of motherhood. There is also unconditional love, forgiveness, laughter, and comfort whether we are the mother's arms, or if we are in a mother's arms. For this I am doubly grateful, and I feel sorry for those who either have lost a child or a mom on Mother's Day. Mother's Day for me is not a day to recieve gifts but to truly count all my blessings! (But cards and flowers are also appreciated.)

Catching Up and Going Forward

Spring was here, as Katy and Dad look great for Easter service.
Seems like I've been busy since I last wrote, but I haven't really accomplished much of worth. We had a nice Easter with my folks and Katy and Rob. The usual leg of lamb, but no egg hunt, since our egg hunter is back in Africa.

On the political front, my great friend, Charmaine and I went to two, count them, two TEA PARTIES. Yes, we are those far right racists radicals that the real radicals in the White House are constantly complaining about. First we met the Tea Party Express buses (3), led by the Freedom Riders (very loud motorcycles), in Rockford, Illinois. It was a long drive, but well worth it. We came loaded down with our signs and lawn chairs, and met some great other Americans who fear that our country is loosing its way from what our founding Fathers had intended. They had many great speakers and singers that travelled on the bus. There were three African Americans, who said they just wanted to be considered Americans. They had a Hispanic hip hopper who was great! So, so much for it being only old white rednecks, as MSNBC would have you believe. The Chicago Tribune had a picture of three nuns there, clapping and singing to a black preacher who spoke from Palatine.
On April 15th, the actual tax day, Charmaine and I were joined with Steve and my friend Kitty, as we all went to a Tea Party in Naperville. We had really wanted to go to the one in Chicago, but since Charmaine , Steve and I all had to go to the theatre that night, we thought the long trip by train might wear us out.
Again, we saw great signs and met other concerned people, and we all got a great tan in the sun! An aside, we saw "Ragtime" that night at Drury Lane and it was almost as good as the production we had seen in NYC a few years back. It was thought provoking after being at the rally that day. An interesting look to see how far we've come since the turn of the other(1900) century.
The next day, Friday, I left with another U of I Mom, for Mom's Day weekend with our best girls! It was such a fun and relaxing weekend. Friday, Katy took Rich and I out for dinner, and then she and I went shopping. Saturday we attended the craft show, saw the U of I's production of "Guys and Dolls", went to Dos with 20 others, and then had a great party at the girls' apartment. However, the best part was just lying in bed till 4 am talking with Katy about her life and dreams. What a great bonding moment. The fact that two firetrucks were outside the apartment flashing their lights, did help us stay up after all the margaritas. Another great talk Sunday, more grocery shopping, and then sadly we had to leave so the girls could study for the busy week ahead. Katy had 3 tests to study for, and I felt guilty that I kept her up, but I will cherish that talk for a long time, so I hope she got sleep after I left.
So that is a brief summary of some of the things I've been doing besides working, taking Dipity to the doggie park, visiting my folks, and doing errands.

Dip loves swimming and retrieving. She'd do it all day if you let her!

As I had written before I knew Roxi was coming home to have Evy last fall, I was feeling like time was slipping away, and I wasn't really doing anything productive with my life. Then they came home, and we were all busy with the excitement of Evy's birth, and the care of my Mom who had fallen. Well, now they are back in Africa, and besides mailing two boxes off, I'm not much needed there. My Mom is mobile again, so she too, doesn't need me as much as before. So I have been praying that God would show me a way to be of service to Him. Well, tonight, I think I might have understood the purpose He has for me. A very nice lady, Vicky, from my church, invited me to a fundraiser banquet for the Outreach Community Center in Carol Stream. Now, when she first called, I just thought,"Hummmm, a nice dinner out with a friend." Vicky and I grew close when we did Alpha years ago, because she has had MS for many years, and when she found out that my husband did too, we would join the same discussion groups. We talk at Sunday services, but that is usually the only time our paths cross, so when she called, I thought it would be nice to go. I had heard of the center, but really didn't know anything about it.
As the various speakers spoke about the children and senior citizens they service there, I kept thinking what could I do to help besides write a check tonight, and then walk away. The children's choir performed for us, and the keynote speaker was Dr. Tony Campolo. As he spoke, and told his story of faith intertwined with jokes, I kept thinking.......I could help start some kind of drama class. Creative dramatics or pantomime for the little kids, speech for their college bound kids, even eventually plays that the senior citizens could help make costumes or sets for, etc. My mind was racing. Then I thought, I could even give tours at the animal hospital, or bring animals for the people to pet and care for. Now I know I can't do all of these things at one time, but I do have gifts that I can offer them.
When everything was over, I asked Vicky what she thought, and she was thrilled. Then as I was about to leave the building I ran into the newly hired director of the entire center. Without a hesitation, I introduced myself, and told him I had experience in many of the things that were rushing through my head, and that if he was interested, maybe, slowly at first, I could introduce something to do with drama or animals, whatever he wanted or thought they needed. He was very receptive, and said he would have someone, I forgot her name, call me soon. So, I think for now, I've found the answer to my prayers. I may regret it later, but right now, I felt moved by God to make this jump. This entire outreach program is based on Christ helping us help others. I feel like Christ just hit me over the head and said,"Duh, what have you been waiting for?" I know that whenever I have worked with my drama activities, I have felt rewarded by the people I have worked with, more than I have felt used. The creative juices keep my brain sparking, and the energy I get is refreshing. So many days lately, I just seem to be walking through the motions of life, without any purpose, feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything. Right now I feel empowered to do something worthwhile, and I like that feeling. I must proceed with caution, so I don't burn myself out. After all, I'm 61, not 21 like I was when I first started teaching theatre and speech. So now I wait to see where the path He has shown me leads me. Wish me luck!

My little boy.

Anyone who knows my son Rob, would know that "little" is a strange way to describe my 6'7" son of 27! But no matter how old your kids become, they are always that darling little baby to you. And Rob was definitely a little blond cutie. We use to call him Tweety Bird because his hair was so white. He is my only son, and as all boys are, a different species than his sisters. Roxi always wanted the center of my attention, as I think most first born do. Rob was more laid back. He would sit and play for hours by himself taking things apart and putting things back together. As he grew, he became very athletic, and excelled in football and basketball. He was my "golden boy". He had lots of friends, some of which he followed into trouble. From his college days on, Rob has seemed to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some problems he brought on himself by partying too hardy, but other times it just seemed like a dark cloud was hanging over him.
Such was the case last night. Today I got a call from him to tell me that he was once again the victim of the dark cloud. He is a real estate agent in Chicago, and because the economy is so bad right now, he has to sublimate his income by working other odd jobs. Last night he was working security at Harry Carry's in Wigleyville, and after work was coming home on his bike. Thank God he was wearing his helmet. Some idiot guy jumped right in front of him in the bike path to hail a cab. With cars next to him, Rob had no where to go, and went flying over the handlebars into the street! Now since he works for himself, he has no insurance, and the health care they passed does not help him, but will only fine him. He landed on his face, and chipped a tooth, broke his nose again,
and hurt his left elbow again. All of the previous injuries were from other black cloud incidents.
Whenever I get these kind of calls, my heart sinks to my stomach as I listen to what has happened, fearing the worse. Now I know, as bad as these various calls have been, they could be so much worse. How parents ever go on living after receiving calls that their child is missing or dead, I do not know. And I pray to God, I never experience it. But nevertheless, when I hear that my little boy has been hurt, I go into Mama Bear role. My son is a great, kind, loving, honest man who has been there for me when no one else was. I want to always be there for him too. The irony, is that when one daughter and her family leave for Africa, and the other was in Florida for spring break, a parent worries for their safety, but Rob was here, working, and supposedly safe.
The most frustrating thing about being a parent is raising your children to be strong and independent, and then when they grow up and are exactly what you wanted them to be, you have no control over them, and you can't protect them, or hold them to keep them safe anymore. Tonight the Discovery Channel ran two more in their series of eleven shows on LIFE. Each show shows how different species raise their young and survive. Some just lay eggs and leave their young to fend for themselves, while others carefully protect their young with their own lives. Watching the shows, I couldn't help think about why one of my children seems to always have unlucky things happen to him, while my girls have been luckier in life. (Not that I want their luck to change! ) Does a person make their own luck? Is there really something about destiny? I tend to think, God is trying to tell Rob to depend on Him. I just pray God will take my little boy into his arms and protect him and help him to find his way and purpose. All I know is that I will never stop loving or caring for any of my children. They are my life, and when they hurt, I hurt, and I just want to hold them and protect them from the mean, cruel, cold world that is out there. So dark cloud, go blow over someone else! Robbie is a great guy that needs a little sunshine in his life again! And I could do without all the stress.

The Night America Died!

I know I have tried to deal mainly with my family and personal problems on this blog, but tonight I am so discouraged by what our country is becoming, and how it will effect my family, I am truly looking to God for answers. Everything that has made our country the greatest bastion of liberty for the rest of the world is daily being destroyed. Out forefathers never intended for the government to take over every aspect of our daily lives by giving entitlements to those who refuse to make the most of the freedoms our Constitution has given them. We are going trillions of dollars into debt, and my children and poor grandchildren will never have the same chance of a decent life that we have had. Our Congress has refused to listen to the majority of people who did not want this massive intrusion into our health care. Nor did they listen when we didn't want them to take over the banks, education, the auto industry, the real estate loans, etc. We got change alright! We will soon be the USSA instead of the USA.
Tonight America will change forever, and they will NOT stop here. By their own words, they want more control, complete control over our lives by controlling our health care. I am very sad tonight. I am very scared for those children who follow. I feel badly for those who are searching for freedom and liberty in other countries, because America is no longer the shining city on the hill that would give them hope. No more greatest to aspire to, just mediocre socialism that has not worked anywhere else. All those scary sci-fi movies are becoming our reality. I want to cry for the dream that America was for my grand parents who left Germany as children to come here and make their way. They fought against their homeland to keep the dream of America safe.
Now we have allowed her to be destroyed from within by rewarding those who didn't want to make America better and stronger, but who wanted something for nothing. By playing by the rules, working hard, I have become the "enemy of the state." America is no longer a melting pot of greatness, but a "politically correct"multicultural quilt. A quilt that allows one group to lust after what another group has worked for, instead of all working together to make the entire pot better for everyone.
I am afraid that too many of our people have left God. Our country was created by men who believed in God, and who knew our liberties were God given. But our secular society that allows for abortion, pornography, drugs, and Christian-bashing, has probably led God to ignore us as so many of us have ignored Him. My prayer is that this change will wake up those who want to take our country back to the glory in which it was created. I know America has made mistakes before, but the people have tried to correct those errors and made her better. We need real leaders that believe in God to lead her once again to be the hope and example of what people can be when they are free. We need God to save us if we can prove ourselves worthy again. As I cry tonight, I will pray for a rebirth of our liberty and God's grace to forgive our evil ways. God bless America, because is she goes, I don't know where to go.

Last Days

Well they have arrived safely back in Africa, and for that I am grateful. As I try to deal with the loss of not seeing them for maybe two years, I have to hold on to the wonderful memories I have of the last few months with them living here with us. Actually, I was able to enjoy them more in a few months, than maybe years of them living here in the states. Many times you only see your loved ones on holidays, because you take the time for granted, but when everyday counts, you spend much more time really getting to know your grandchildren. Thus I wanted to share some of the great pictures that I took of our time together. Here is Anni in some of her borrowed dress-up outfits that use to belong to Auntie Katy. This pink one even got packed at the last minute at the airport after final weighing of luggage. Anni wearing my glasses. Whenever she wanted me to read to her, I had to find my glasses, so I guess she thought she'd see why I needed them so...
Poor little Evy crying her eyes out, but we were just laughing because there was nothing wrong with her. It also reminds me of a picture I have of her Mama doing the same thing. I'm a drama teacher, and the drama and emotional tirades must be genetic, because it sure runs in our family!

Here, Anni is introducing Evy to Bibi's Monkey Room at the lake house. Her first ride on the pony. We designed this room for all future grandchildren, but Anni considers it hers! We marked her height on the chart, and she had grown over an inch while here this visit. Poor Evy didn't even make the bottom of the chart, but at least we have this picture to show her that she was here too.
This with Dipity's stand-in, and the girls in Bibi's bed at the lake house again.
Auntie Katy and Anni dancing to"There's no mountain high enough..." Notice yet another Princess dress!
Saying goodbye to Great Bibi and Babu! We had an early Easter like dinner with the whole family the last weekend.
Evy looks so small in my Dad's arms. She won over his heart at first glance.

Uncle Rob with his big sis and the girls!
Anni showing one of Bibi's new purchases for her to Babu. This little dress came with a scarf that looks very much like what they wear in her African home. How could I pass it up for my little sweetie!
At least I have these and many more memories to warm my heart while they are gone. I was able to bond with Anni more than ever before. She took many copies of movies we watched and shared back with her, and I can hope she'll remember watching them with her Bibi.

The Silence is Deafening

We have safely delivered our precious cargo to British Airlines, and have returned to an empty house, except for Dipity who had found Anni's little white Easter bunny by the front door. You see, after stuffing 10 crates and suitcases, plus carry-ons, the bunny had to stay. Dip was at the door with the bunny in her mouth as if to say, "she left this....can I have it?" As I walk through the house, I see the little things that have become commonplace, like tiny hair bands, fruit snacks, kid's books, etc. I can still hear Anni's sweet voice saying, "Bibi". How I will miss that sound......
Thanks to some old Lexapro that I still had, and started taking a week ago after crying all the way home from Lincolnshire after seeing "Fiddler of the Roof", I managed to drive to the airport and back with limited tears. Last Sunday was the day they had done their presentation at their church in the city. I saw the excitement and love of what they were doing in their eyes, and was so proud of my daughter and her family. I also knew, that there was nothing I could ever do or say to discourage them from their mission. They are doing God's work, and I'm only a Bibi . It was an emotional day, and after hearing Tevya tell his daughter,"God go with you." I lost it. Thus, I dug out the old drugs to get me through this week. I just wish they would help me get through the next two years!
I want to share some of the final pictures before I try to get some sleep. Last night Anni woke up crying, and ended up sleeping with me. Tonight will be very lonely indeed.
Anni's last bubble bath before leaving for the airport!


Last lunch out at Domo. Anni was intrigued watching our chef, and Evy was just hanging out!


Catching a few winks on the way to the airport!
Checking in with ALL THAT LUGGAGE!

Anni and her baby that would not fit in the luggage saying goodbye to Babu!

Our last view of our world travellers as they went through security and were gone.Steve and I were both tearing up, as was Roxi. Anni could hardly wait to get to the plane so she could eat her treats, and watch her movies, and read her books that were all packed in her very own roll on. Roxi laughed as Jason said, "last time we wheeled her, now she is wheeling her own loot." Evy will be wheeling her own when they come back too. Oh, how I love you all. God go with you, and return soon, because already you are sorely missed. My echoing footsteps in this big empty house are too much to take for long.