Birthdays

As I mentioned yesterday, today was little Anni's 3rd birthday! There is nothing like the day you give birth to a child, except the day when your child gives birth to a child! Three years ago, we got the call and made the mad dash through rush hour in CHICAGO to get there in time to greet our precious first grandchild ! Now because they are in Africa, this has been the second birthday that we were not there to witness in person. When Katy and I went to see them in June after almost a year, I brought everything I thought a 3 year old would desire or need for her party, knowing that I would once again miss it. Now my daughter is having a very difficult pregnancy, and she may not come home to have the baby in Dec. Which means I won't be able to welcome and hold my new precioius granddaughter this time around. I have to believe that they are doing God's wishes, and this is my sacrifice. After everything Roxi and Jason have given up to do His bidding, I must search for the answer of why I can't be like normal grandmothers who get to share in their grandchildren's lives every day or week.
When I was pregnant at 30 with my first child, Roxi, I read a book about raising strong-willed children. I always say I don't remember any of it, but she must have had very early reading skills from in the womb, because she and all my children have been determined and strong-willed children. When we first decided that I was getting too old not to have a child, I was working, Steve was working two jobs, and again it was a whirl! I was terrified I would not be a good mother since I was never the type who wanted to hold other people's children, etc. But when, after an exciting, sometimes sickly, and definately fat pregnancy, and 28 hours of labor and apprehension of my own skills, this perfect little face with rose bud lips looked up at me, and my life changed forever.
I was a Mother! The cute, carefree college girl with dreams, the hard working drama teacher that wanted to change the lives of her students, the new wife who wasn't sure of herself; all those women were a distant memory. I was instantly in love with this little human being that had me hook line and sinker wrapped around her finger. Her strong will was already at work. From that moment on, the most important thing in my life was caring,protecting, loving, and fighting for my children.
Even though a new Mother is exhausted, the best time with her new baby is nursing that child in the quietness of the night. When the world is asleep, and you and the child are bonding peacfully alone. There is nothing like it! I then knew I had to do this again, despite the wear and tear on my fat body. Robbie was born two and half years later. And as with everything in their lives, the experience was unique and totally different, except for that middle of the night bonding that only a Mother can remember.
Katy was born ten years after Roxi, and at the initial pregnancy test I was shocked and depressed, at first. I was going to be 40! I was thin after a ruptured appendix almost killed me. I had just gotten Rob into first grade, and I stupidly thought my career with Discovery Toys (I had stopped teaching after Rob was born) was more important than this opps! But boy was I wrong! God does know what and who we need even when we think we are just fine. Roxi and Rob always fought until Katy arrived. They both became better siblings to her, and eventually each other. The entire dynamics of our family life changed with the birth of this loving little girl. I became the oldest room Mom; the experienced one. Roxi was like a little mother to her, and would take her every where. Sometimes people would mistake her for Katy's mom. A sad comment on society, or a good comment on the maturity of Roxi. Rob was the Big Brother that she later reported to me on when he had parties in the basement. Actually, because of Katy, we moved to a larger, beautiful home in a different school district.
When I went to one of my class reunions, I found out I had the youngest child while others already had grandchildren older than she. The result of me getting a late start, and other getting pregnant in high school. The effect however, was that Katy kept us young, while our classmates were settling into the grandparent era of their lives. Even now, at 60, I am drinking at Kam's on Mom's Day weekend or football weekends. And my grandchild is too far away to know.:)
All of our children were such different blessings. Each time through high school, it was a different experience. And even though I take no credit because the last 30 years went by in a whirl, something went right, because they are all awesome, loving, humanitarians. They are leaders without knowing it. They have great friends that would defend them to the end, because that is what they would do for their friends. I have often felt like the lyrics from a song in "Sound of Music"...."I must have done something right..." I now know it was the hand of God that help me to raise these exceptional children. They all have taught me His love, and many more things I can't even describe. I often feel like the child, instead of the parent when I see the wisdom they use to navigate this world.
I also appreciate the gifts my parents have given me. The many challenges they had, the sacrifices they made to give me the life I have had.(No brother or sisters, so they could send me to college, a first in our family) It is that bond we have with a tiny new baby, that stays with us for decades. It is that bond we feel when they are in trouble or sick. It is that bond we feel when the disappoint us or we disappoint them. It is that bond we feel when we want to protect them and keep them close to our breast, even knowing at the same time we have to let them go make their own way in life. All we can do is ask God to go with them where we can't go. Children are gifts given to us to make us better humans, and then we have to let them go to start the cycle all over again. And when we get to share in the next gifts, the next generation, we truly realize how special our time with them was, and wish we could do it all over again.
I hope Anni had a wonderful pink, princess birthday party today. I was there in heart! She is experiencing some many exciting experiences that most three year olds would never know. How many three years olds speak three languages? or even know where Africa is except for "Lion King"? So I have to not question why God has taken her and her family away from me on her birhday, but what incredible things does He have in store for this next strong willed generation of mine............

Home again

We live in Wheaton, Il, but also have a new, beautiful home on Lake Geneva, WI. We were up there this weekend when I started this project, but now we are home again. Although I'm home which ever house I am currently at. We took my parents up to the lake this weekend, which is always a project since they are both in their mid-eighties, and both have different problems getting around. When we built the home we made a special handicapped bathroom on the main floor for them, and a bedroom what is filled with many of my Mother's antiques.

You see, I was an only child, and was raised in Collinsville, Il. So for years we would travel downstate to go home again, but over a year and a half ago, my Father fell and broke his back. After two surgeries, it became obivious that they could no longer live over 5 hours away, thus we moved them up here near us. My husband graciously pay to get them into a very nice independent living place up here. It took a year to sell the home they had built themselves. So now my childhood home is no longer ours.

All this happened the same year we had already torn down our old lake house, and had started building our new one. Thus why I first stated that my life has always seem to whirl by faster than I can comprehend it all at the time I'm living it. But this weekend, we were all "home again" at the lake. Many of my Mother's favorite furniture was able to be used to beautifully fill my new empty rooms. Thus, I think when they come to visit us, they are also visiting a part of their old home. My son Rob and his girlfriend Annie came up for the weekend too. We all talked via skype to Roxi and Anni this morning. For them it was evening of course, but for a few minutes it was as if we were all together in time and space at our new home.

Tomorrow is Anni's 3rd birthday, and she was so excited as we all sang to her. I will blog more later about her pink princess birthday party, or you can read the link to Roxi's blog, who is by far a better writer than I. As we sang across the globe, I couldn't help but think how lucky we are to live in a time with such modern devices that can put us all in the same place for at least a few minutes. I know my Mother was amazed too, as she turned to Daddy and said ,"Can you believe we can just talk into the computer and hear them half way around the world?" Believe me after 4 flights and about 36 hours it took me to get there in June, it was amazing to me too. How did the families that said good-by to a loved one as they felt by a ship to make the same trip ever survive? I could never deal without seeing and hearing from them.

The only other family member missing this weekend was Katy, our youngest. Next weekend we will see her perform at the Arch Rival game between Illinois and Missouri. You see, after years of driving her to dance classes, and hours of practice, her talent led her to being an Illinette at U of I. However, Katy is so much more than just an Illinette! She is a beautiful, intelligent, kind, independent young woman! More about her gifts later. However, because of the game, we will be back in my hometown again, only now the house has been sold, and someone else will be living in it, and that will seem very strange.

After driving 5 hours, the car just seems to go up the hill to Grandma's house, but instead, it is now only a memory of "home". I will stop to visit my God Mother, Aunt Irene, because I don't know when I'll see her again otherwise. Just two years ago, we stayed with my parents, and even took them to Katy's first game ever to perform as a freshman. As I look at those pictures, time again whirls by.

It is late, and I'm sure I'm wandering, but I guess I realize that when I am home again, it is where ever my family and heart is. The structure is not important is it? Like Dorothy, we are home already, when we are with those we love.

First I should explain the title of this new adventure into the blog world. After visiting my oldest daughter Roxanne and her family in Africa, I found out that to my granddaugther, Annikah, I am no longer Grammy, but Bibi which means grandmother in Swahili. The second part, is as I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I have often thought of the young woman I once was, and have asked how has she gotten to this place in my life. I have been extremely lucky to have had a well travelled and fortunate life. God has certainly blessed me and mine. It will be my attempt to find the meaning of these experiences that seemed to whirl by so quickly as I lived them. I will also try to find the meaning of what God has in store for me now.
This whole blogging thing will be a challenge, but I am hoping an old dog can learn this new trick.