I'm dizzy from all the whirling

My beautiful new little granddaughter has arrived, and her Mother is finally not sick for the first time in 40 weeks. Roxi and Jason went to CDH Sunday night, and by 1:05 pm Monday, Evangeline Imani Engstrom arrived.
For more pictures and details see Roxi's blog!

She is a beautiful, tiny, perfect little angel for Christmas.
They came home from the hospital this afternoon in a icy, sleet storm, but arrived safely. Anni and I had made a welcome home sign for their arrival.
While Mama and Papa were having baby girl #2, Auntie Katy and I were on Anni duty which was great fun and exhausting. She loved the movie "Enchanted" about a cartoon princess that becomes real. She loved it so much that it was watched at least four times. She even talked Uncle Rob into watching it with her. "Shrek the Halls" was watched twice. Anni and Dipity have become "best friends". Dip sits patiently next to Anni at every meal time to be secretly fed whatever Anni doesn't want to eat. Anni also loves sleeping on her "like a pillow."
I gave Anni a child's digital camera as a big sister present, and she loved taking pics of her new sister immediately. In fact, we have already gone through two sets of batteries.
Everything with the homecoming was going great today, until I got a text from Rob who had taken my Mom to her doctor appointment for me. The surgery she had on her elbow has not taken properly. The doctor doesn't know why it didn't work, but now she has to go through the entire thing again next Monday or Tuesday! She was obviously disappointed, so Rob thought he'd bring her by to see the baby before going back to her nursing home. The only problem was that as soon as she tried to get out of the car on the ice, she started going down. We had no idea they were in the driveway, and Rob had a terrible time keeping her on her feet, until he could get her back in the car. Thank God he is so strong, and kept her up! We will have her and Daddy come Christmas Day, if the weather allows. This global warming is sure easy to live with isn't it, Gore?? (Don't get me started) At least we better get the surgery done, before this un-healthcare bill passes, and they will just let my Mom die or something!
As wonderful as it is that we are all together this holiday season, I am whirling from person who needs me to the next. It is nice to be needed, but sometimes you just have to have a few minutes to bathe, if you know what I mean. But no matter how crazy it gets, I want to cherish every minute, because next year the Engstroms will be in Zanzibar again, and who knows where Rob or Katy will be. Hopefully here, but who knows. And I am very grateful that my parents are even still alive to see their new great-granddaughter. This year has been a challenging one for our family, but we are all together for now. I turned 60, Roxi turned 30, and Katy will soon be 21! Big, life changes for us all.

I thank God for all my blessings, and pray for some Christmas peace and healing for my family. Thank you Lord for our healthy Evy, and that mama is starting to feel her normal self again. Could I just whirl a little slower for the next few days, please Lord!

cookies with Bibi

Today Auntie Katy, Mama, and Bibi showed Anni all about baking gingerbread cookies, and she learned like a pro. Within minutes, she was mixing the dough, rolling them out, cutting them out, using a spatula to place them carefully on the cookie sheet, and then decorating them after they baked. What an expert she become in no time at all! Even her Papa was impressed and later helped with the decorating. All in all it was a great way to spend a snowy afternoon while we wait for her little sister to appear.

Grandpa & Grandma in Swahili

decorating requires much concentration

The Princess and the Frog!

After the long wait, and counting down the days, today the new "princess" movie opened, and Anni could hardly wait to get there. I woke her this morning with her own t-shirt to wear to the "premier", and with popcorn and candy in hand, she and Bibi excitedly went to the "big TV" to see it. It was a darling movie with a very nice theme, and we both enjoyed it greatly. And even though it was nine degrees outside, my heart melted as I sat next to this darling little girl who loves all things "princesses", because I knew I was cherishing this moment that so many other grandmas would take for granted. Reality hit as we were watching the previews for movies that would not even be released until next summer when my little princess and her baby sister and Mama and Papa would once again be on the other side of the world, and these movies would be old DVD's before they were home again. Making wonderful memories is my goal for now, because way to soon, they will be all I'm left with. Today was Bibi-Anni time, and I loved it! (We even have a secret about the movie that can be revealed later.)
Tomorrow we take her to a Bethlehem marketplace so she can experience the true story of Christmas. We had taken her when she was one, but now she will get so much more out of it. Another day, another wonderful memory to be made.

The weather may be frightful, but Anni still has fun with Bibi and Uncle Rob!

Anni kissing her snowman, and proudly showing off her handiwork, thanks to Uncle Rob!

Uncle Rob showing Anni how to make her first snowman!

My angel, Anni, making her first ever snow angel.

Santa dreams, before the ER and robbery nightmare!

I feel like taffy

Sorry, I know it has been a long time since I've written, but my crazy life has gotten a lot crazier again. The entire time Roxi and family were gone, my ribs hurt so much, I could barely get anything done at home. We did do Dad's Day with Katy at U of I,
which was a lot of fun, but I mostly just tried to heal.
We celebrated Thanksgiving here Thursday, with my folks, Rob and Katy, and were going to do round two on Saturday. Friday, we madly tried to decorate for Christmas before they got here that night. Tree up, packages for Anni wrapped, lights outside, etc. Saturday we took Anni to see Santa at Wheaton Drama where one of my best friends was playing Mrs. S. Anni had a nice time telling them in great detail everything she wanted, but sitting on the old man's lap was out of the question. We went home to await my folks arrival for the repeat dinner, when we got a call that my Mom's thought she was getting a head cold and didn't want to give it to Roxi or Anni, so they would stay home. This was disappointing since it was the first time in over two years the entire family would be together for a big meal.
Then, all hell broke lose. My Father called saying Mom had fallen taking out a pot of chili. Long story short, after cleaning up the mess, and getting her on her feet, it became apparent that she had broken her left elbow, so Katy and I took her to the ER. Our fears were realized, and she is going to have a repeat surgery next Tuesday. While we spent five hours at the hospital, my Father proceeded to down a bottle of Early Times. When I finally got Mom settled at the Johnson Center, I had a tough love fight with him, and came home.
When I called to inform Rob how Grandma was, I found out that my car, that he had borrowed to show condos in the city had been broken into, and all of his valuable stuff had been stolen!! He had a big interview on Monday, and his computer, camera, passport, credit cards, etc were all gone. When he finally got home at 2:30 am after waiting for the police report, the dogs got into a fight and woke up those who had actually fallen asleep for a few minutes.
After going to church Sunday morning and visiting Mom, we did eat our dinner, and Katy took off for school again. I had gotten a call from my Dad right before we sat down to eat, and I just let him leave a message. On hearing it, I found out that he had fallen out of his motorized chair the night before and laid on the floor, bruised, and passed out until 4:00 am, when he called the paramedics to help him get into bed. He slept most of the day, and was very sore, and sick. He needed me to come over, and we had another tough love discussion about his drinking, only this time he was sober to hear it.
The next morning he called them again to take him to the ER because his pacemaker was hurting him. After rushing to the ER again, he was fine and I brought him home. The next day after getting Mom to her surgeon and scheduling the surgery, I felt like climbing into bed for another month, and not getting out.
In twelve hours we went from Santa Claus dreams to ER and robbery nightmares. It just proves that God laughs at our best laid plans, In spite of the anxiety I was feeling, God did show me that he did not give me more than I could handle. I also met people who were dealing with far worse situations, which always makes you feel like you should not complain that you feel like you are living the life of Job. At church, we prayed for a family whose son was killed in an auto accident. I had to pick up a dog for work, because the family had to take their son who was born with cancer into the hospital for another chemo treatment. My boulders suddenly seemed like pebbles compared to others problems.
So all I want for Christmas now is that Daddy continues to stop drinking, Mom has a quick recovery after her surgery, and Roxi has a beautiful, healthy baby girl, that Roxi feels normal again soon, and Rob gets the job he wants so badly.
We had one day of fun this Saturday going down to see Katy dance at the last football game and a basketball game. It was a full day, but it was a nice distraction. Now she has finals before she can come home for Christmas.
I hope to share great pictures and happy memories of Christmas soon. But right now I am just trying to find myself after being pulled like taffy into too many directions. And I wonder why I can't make sense of my life sometimes. Maybe it's because I just feel like I'm moving from one crisis to another. You can't stop to smell the roses when you are running them over. I just want to slow down this precious time I have so I can make memories of Anni, Katy, the new baby, the holidays with family, including my parents that at times are more time consuming and trouble than a child. The only good thing this last week has brought is I lost a few pounds from being stretched like taffy!

Trying to catch up

Last Tuesday, I drove Roxi, Jason and Anni half way to Iowa, so they could visit Jason's family in Cedar Rapids. From the pictures on Roxi's blog, they are having a wonderful time. Anni loved Halloween with her cousins. Yet I cried when I drove home alone without them. But I know i have to share.
The day after they left, Rob and I tried to tackle the ever growing leaves in the yard before it rained again. About an hour after I used the leaf blower, I realized my back was more blown than the leaves. So the next morning I was off to the chiropractor, and then again Friday. It is hell growing older, except when you consider the alternative. That became even clearer when we had to make a stop at a wake of a friend of Steve's that had passed suddenly at the age of 50! Hugging his wife, made the pain subside with gratitude of still being here and kicking.
We then headed to our Illini weekend. Friday night we were given tickets to the first basketball game of the season. Katy was suppose to dance, but because of all the rain all week, an extra practice was called, and the Illinettes did not dance. I was able to re-bond with my old roomie of U of I days, as our husbands actually watched the Illini win the game. It was great getting a chance to catch up with her, as we shared news about our lives and families. Her only son died about a year ago, and she seems to be dealing with her grief better than I can even imagine. Again, I thanked God for His blessings.
Saturday was a gorgeous, sunny, college football gameday! Many kids were in crazy costumes, that just added to the fun of the day. We played our arch rival, Michigan, who we had not beaten at our house since 1983!!! And as we watched our team beat Michigan, we kept saying who is in those uniforms, what spell was put on our team?? Yes, Illini beat Michigan and we all partied like it was 1983! Besides the shock of the victory, the highlight had to be the Marching Illini at halftime. The played many spooky tunes, but finished with MJ's THRILLER! Everyone even put down their instruments and did the zombie dance. Hysterical!! Everyone stood and clapped for them. Katy had had the flu all week, and got cut, but the band director let everyone do THRILLER, so she got to dance anyway. And Roxi called the first half, to say she saw Katy on TV, before they took little Tink trick or treating.
Elizabeth Evans was also up for the weekend, and we met up with her after the game. Katy had danced right in front of her during the first half. It was so nice to see her and meet her Aunt and Uncle.
After the game, we ordered pizza at Katy's apartment, and visited a little before she and her roommates got ready for their Halloween party. We had an opportunity to meet Rich, who had been kind enough to give us the basketball tickets the night before. He seems very mature and nice. Katy was having a great deal of back pain after dancing all day, and we decided she had to make time to go to the Spinal Doctor this week.
We drove home early Sunday so we could get home for the Bears game. A victory again. Then we both crashed from exhaustion.
Today, Katy had her appointment, and our greatest fear was unfounded. She has no disc problem. Thank you God again. She got some meds, some therapy appointments and a lift for her one foot, since her hips are off balanced. She is planning on coming home this weekend to go to the chiropractor.
Rob was supposed to hear from the regional manager for the job he is hoping to get, but we were all worried since no call ever came. But today we found out the man has been very ill with the flu all week, and is still not in the office, thus our hopes and prayers are still alive.
Today I was able to cut up most of the leaves that had hurt my back. My finger is still sore from Data accidentally wrapping the leash around it Saturday night and pulling it. But I and mine are well. A few aches and pains just make us appreciate the gift of life. No pain, no gain, right? When we worry, we have to remember to give our problems to Him, for only He can solve them for us. So Lord, I thank you for my many blessings, and I ask that you continue to keep my family in your hands. Please help Rob find his way, and keep my girls healthy.
My life just keeps whirling along.......and I am just trying to hang on and enjoy it all......

The Sun Will Be Out Tomorrow!!!

Indeed, the sun did come out both Saturday and Sunday, at last! Thank you God! Saturday two friends game to visit Roxi at the lake. Steve and Rob came up after Rob took Annie to the airport for her year long visit to London. (We'll miss you Annie, but have a bloody good time!) Jason and I watched the disastrous Illini lose again, so after Anni's nap we took her to the park with her friends in the sun!!!

But Sunday, was the best sunny fall day celebration. Even though Katy was very sick, she drove up from Champaign to meet us at the pumpkin farm. Anni had been waiting for this all week, and was so thrilled to see her Auntie Katy. Katy and Anni choose a "special" pumpkin!

My three girls running from

one thrill to another!

For more pictures of the day see Roxi's blog

After about half an hour the men took off to watch football at the pizza place down the street. Since Roxi and Jason are leaving tomorrow for Cedar Rapids, we celebrated Steve's birthday when we joined them later. Anni helping Babu eat his cake and ice cream.....yum!

It was a wonderful, fall day to do things with your family. And I was blessed to have all three of my children, and my grandchild in one place, at one time. A feat for our family. The damper on the day was that the Bears played even worse than the Illini the day before! I think I'm ready for basketball season to start. In fact, thanks to Katy's friend, Rich, we will get to see her dance Friday for the Illini's first game of the season, and then back to football Saturday. So for Halloween, the Engstroms will be visiting the Engstroms, and we will be back at U of I. However, Katy who had a terrible drive back last night in the RAIN AGAIN, was still very sick today, so hopefully she will feel better after some rest this week.

Roxi had another ultrasound today, and I got to see my new little grand daughter. The doctor has some concerns, and is going to be watching her carefully. We are waiting for blood results to determine how dangerous the risk may be, but Roxi feels the test will be fine. Her faith and determination is incredible. She just wants this whole pregnancy to be over, so she can feel normal again. I am just so grateful she is here to get the care she needs, even if we have had only 2 days of sun.

Tomorrow it will be difficult to say goodbye, but I know they will be home again soon, and again we can all be together. And the sun will come out again, but not tomorrow........

Rain, rain go away!!!!

We are still at the lake house, and it is still cold and rainy! We have had no summer, and now no fall! Global Warming my arse! Although I am enjoying my time with Anni, it is certainly dampened by the lack of sunshine and constant rain!
Today one of Roxi's friends and her son came to visit. It was great hearing the shrills of glee coming from the monkey room as the two of them played with every toy they could drag out. The darling room has been too silent for too long. After lunch, naps were requested. Roxi was taking some needed rest, when I found Anni playing in the livingroom by herself. She had snuck down two flights of stairs. I put her in bed with me, and as hard as she fought it, she was soon sound asleep besides me. What a sleeping beauty she was! After her royal rest, we all headed to town to shop and go to the park. Even with a huge beach towel, we couldn't wipe down the slides enough for the kids to go down. Soaked and defeated, we headed for Pot Bellies for dinner. While the Moms chatted and tried to eat, the two kids ran amok. We thought they were darling, but I'm not sure the teenagers there were as amused as we were. After a trip to Target, we headed home.
Once again, I heard those wonderful words, "Me want Bibi to give me, me bath." Last summer she was so worried about her sick Mama, she only wanted "Papa", or sometimes, "Auntie Katy."But for right now, I am the chosen one, and I love it! She loves swimming in the big tub with Noah's Ark and all his animals. Because it is cold here, I have to dry her hair with a blow dryer. (Something she never uses in Zanzibar.) Well, the first time I dried her hair, I blew the hot air on her belly button, and down her PJ's and up her pant legs. She loves this, and it has now become our own little ritual. The second I start the dryer, she pulls her top up to show me her belly buttom, then the pants, etc. I am so thrilled that we have our own secret little game. Then she giggles as she jumps and falls down on my king-size bed while I sing,"Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed." Is there a better sound on earth than the laughter of a grandchild? I think not.
I am so blessed to have this bonding time with her before she leaves for Cedar Rapids, and eventually Africa again. These memories will have to warm my heart when the silence returns to the monkey room again. A child's playroom without a child....the silence is as gloomy as the constant rain. But whatever the weather outside, I have my own little Miss Sunshine for awhile.
Sunday, Auntie Katy is coming to take her to the pumpkin farm. Something Anni has been waiting for all week. A little help with the weather would be greatly appreciated.

Home at the lake

After many days catching up on sleep in Wheaton, and seeing the doctor for Roxanne and Anni, we headed up to the lake for some R&R. Yesterday was beautiful, with golden sun and gorgeous fall leaves. Today we have rain, but Roxi is teaching me how to improve my blog, so I hope you like the new look.

Anni enjoys Bibi's tub!

Home, home, thank God Almighty, they are home at last!

My family is home safely, and are all tucked into bed. Anni is darling! She let me read her "Beauty and the Beast" before tucking her into her bed. She loved swimming in my jaccuzi tub, and was overwhelmed with the books and toys I had found in Katy's old room. I checked in on her before retiring myself, and she looked so precious sleeping in Katy's old bed.
Roxi and Jason enjoyed the "American" food, the hot tub, and the comfortable bed too. Robbie is also here, so our family is almost complete, except poor Katy is off studying at school. The holidays will be wonderful with them all home, unless Rob leaves for Iraq. Right now, I'll take whoever I can get, and cherish this special time as they rotate through my door.
Tomorrow I'm taking Anni to see "Toy Story 1 & 2 in 3D! So I better get some sleep too. Thank you God for bringing them home to me again.....

Exhausted, but too excited to sleep

This morning Roxi texted me while she and Anni were flying to Dar, their first leg home. Last week I got the new carpeting in, and the bedrooms cleaned out. This weekend was Homecoming at U of I, so we took off Friday in the rain to see Katy dance, but at the last minute it was cancelled because of the weather. Saturday the sun finally came out, but it did not improve our team's ability. Another disappointing game, but I did get to spend the third quarter with my old roommate, Steffie. We had been grade school age friends. We tried to catch up on a yearful of updates. After the game, some tailgating and dinner at Dos, Katy and I hit the hot tub for some Mom and daughter bonding time. She is "not dating" a new boy. I hope he is worthy of my great gal. Sunday we rushed home because we had theatre tickets to see "Hairspray". Steve and I had a nice dinner, the quite before the storm of this week.
Today I bought enough food to feed a small army, but I wanted to have anything Roxi, Jason, or Anni might want after their long flight home, and a year and a half without their favorite foods. They are probably boarding their flight to London as I write this. I am so upset that this cold weather and rain will dampen their homecoming. I want everything to be perfect. I even got two big balloons to take to the airport so they can find me as they come down the escalator at the airport. Wed. at 2:10 pm I will be there with bells on (and coats, socks, and blankets) to bring my family home!!!
I am hoping to take Anni to her first real movie theatre experience on Thursday. She wants to see "Toy Story 1 & 2 in 3D! I just learned tonight that next summer "Toy Story 3" will be out next summer, but she will be gone again by then. But like Scarlet O'Hara, "I'll worry about that tomorrow."
I really do have to try to get some sleep, so I will be able to keep up with them all. Steve and I are going from empty-nesters with a spoiled dog, to a house full again. Roxi and family, Robbie and his dog, Data, are all coming in TWO DAYS! I hope I can enjoy it all......just breathe and take it all in......

Two weeks and counting!

Yes, in just two weeks my wandering daughter and her family return home, if not for good, at least for now. And I have to be happy with the present, and the future of seeing my new little grand daughter born here in the US. There are so many things we want to cram into this time, but I have to share them with all the other people who love and support them too.
So while I am planning for their homecoming, I am also busy with Katy, Rob, and my folks. Friday we went to watch the Buffalo Grove high school game where the Marching Illini performed in the rain. Then Saturday, we went to watch them again at Navy Pier. Rob and Annie, and Ashley, Katy's close friend, all went to see them with us. Then after a nice lunch with Annie's family, we headed home for Katy to get some warmth and sleep. Later that night Ashley and Katy and I had a girl's movie night watching "To Foo Wong Foo". Sunday we celebrated our church's 50th Anniversary. Then we madly cleaned out bags of stuff from our past, to make room for the future. Dinner with Mom and Dad, Rob, and Katy to celebrate the selling of their house. Whew! What a crazy weekend, but it went on ....
Monday I dropped Katy off in Aurora for her four hour driving course, then drove to the doctor's office to make an appointment for Roxi. Called Roxi. Went to work, then picked up Katy to drive her to U of I in time for her Illinette practice, and then home again for me. Exhausted, yes.
This morning I went with Daddy to get his driver's license renewed. I must warn all people to beware of senior citizen drivers. My Dad could not read 3 of the numbers on the vision test, and the instructor told him more than once to make a complete stop. Yet he was given his license again, which will make my life easier, but I wonder how many others are driving out there who can't see well?
We then went to our money manager to open an annuity with some of his house money. We had a nice lunch together when we were all finished. It was very special to have time with him alone, and when he hadn't been drinking yet. Then back to work for me.
Rob is coming home tomorrow to see the chiropractor, and help me get the house ready for the homecoming. I'm not sure when he is moving back yet.
So now as I wait to put the laundry in the dryer, I sitting here wondering how much more can I cram into my days. Looking back on the last weekend, and looking forward to another weekend at U of I with a Chief event, a game, an AKL Gamma tailgate and then dinner, I wonder why I am so confused about how my life seems to be constantly whirling by faster than I can take it all in. I have next week to continue to clean, get new carpeting, buy favorite foods, and then go to U of I's Homecoming weekend. And then, my count down will be 2 days, not 2 weeks. I can't even imagine how much Roxi and Jason are cramming into their two weeks preparing to come home. When she emailed this morning she was planning Anni's neighborhood birthday party now that Ramadan is over.
It is funny how we view time isn't it? Yesterday on the phone Anni said,"Bibi, me coming to Chicago in two weeks!" Then Roxi added that every day she wants to know if that is the day they are leaving. As a child, time seems to move as slow as snails. Waiting for Christmas, or to grow up, as an example. I remember teaching "Romeo and Juliet" and discussing how fast time moves when you are in love, even though it seems slow waiting to see the person you love again. But the older you get, you really understand the preciousness of time when it seems to fleet by. We can only hope we can cram as much as we can into everyday God gives us with the ones we love. So I am off to put that laundry in, and to bed, so I can get more preparations done tomorrow waiting for my family to come home again!

Oh what a day!

We went up to the lake house for the last weekend of the summer. After the rather cool summer, we finally had a beautiful weekend. The best part, was when I got awaken this morning with a text. I thought it was from Katy, who usually texts me, and since I didn't have on my glasses, I called her and woke her too. Then I put on my glasses, and realized the text was from Roxanne. She wanted me to call her, which I then did immediately. The big news was that they had decided to come home to the US to have the baby afterall! In fact, they will be coming in three weeks! Anni got on to say, "Bibi, me coming to Chicago!" No other news could sound so sweet. When Roxi explained Halloween to her, as a day she could wear her princess dress and go door to door and people would giver her candy, she started screaming with glee. It was so cute, and last about 2 minutes. We all have lots of work to do. We need to find clothes for Roxi and Anni since all they have are summer clothes now. I have to get the house ready for them to move home, and they have to finish as much of the school work before they leave. Most importantly, we have to find a doctor who can handle her special problems, and any that might arise with the baby. Pray for us all, and for their safe journey home to those who love them so. They will have to go back next spring, but for now, and for the holidays, they will be home at last!
Then, just to add the topper on the day, the Bears beat the Steelers! That really helped Steve get over the fall into the lake he had while trying to launch the boat. The only downer is that they will be here and gone again, before we can put the boat back in, but right now, all I care about is that in three weeks my girls will be HOME!!!!

Pity Parties are ugly

Some days a person should just stay in bed, pull the covers over their head, and hide from the world. Living takes effort, and one just can't deal with everything, everyday. After a tiring weekend, and the frustrating coverage of the ACORN news and the 9/12 March on DC, I should have just stayed in bed. But as I was trying to get the courage to climb out from under the covers, I was anxiously waiting for the time I could call Roxi to discover the results of her newest scan on the baby. Our communication lately has been sketchy, since for some unknown reason she can't get my emails anymore. Whenever we try to skype, it doesn't work very well, and we never get to see the videos. Then two of her computers died, so even blogging or facebooking was cut off.
Thus, with great anticipation, I called her. She was tired and sick from the trip to the mainland, but felt that she had received encouraging news that the baby was normal size and healthy. Her placenta doesn't seem to be showing any stress, so our prayers have been answered. Her hopes and plans are to go to Kenya to have the baby, and then to come home next summer for a home stay. She hates winter, and doesn't want to be here then. It would be easier to travel then. We wouldn't have to worry about her getting exposed to the feared H1N1. We would be able to enjoy the lake house, the water, the sun, the girls, etc. I completely understand all her reasoning for her plans, yet, even though I want to be totally supportive, I got selfish instead. Thus the pity party started even though logically, I agreed with her plans for her same reasons.
Not only would I not get to meet my new grandchild till she was 5 or 6 months old, I won't be able to help Roxi take care of either of the girls or her. Thus, I feel superfluous. Grandparenting is something you look forward to your entire life after raising your own children. And I am so into being the best "Bibi" ever, especially since when Roxi was a child, they told us she might not ever be able to have children. But as the situation stands, I can't help feeling that I'm reading from a blog to experience the lives of my daughter and grandchildren. It is just not the same as real hugs and kisses. Now as I previously said, without the computer I could never do this. But today Roxi said that after they come home next summer, they might go back for another year or two......that is when I lost control of all logic and reasoning, and just felt desperation. My greatest apprehension had just been realized. I wanted to give Roxi courage for what she has in store for her in the next few months, but my own selfish feelings just took over. I had to get off the phone before I started bawling. All day the pity party just kept getting worse. It was the kind of day that even crying in a hot tub, didn't help.
Finally, we had to go to a vet dinner about FAT Animals ( why do they think they should feed us and talk about fat at the same time??). Despite the topic, I drowned my sorrow with cheesecake.
With the passage of time, I am trying to remember how lucky I am to have a child who is trying to save the world, not selling drugs. How lucky I am to have two more little girls who will follow in her footsteps of love and sharing to a part of the world that needs their help. What a great role model they will have for a Mother. And I hope they won't judge their Bibi too harshly for her selfish pity party.
We had fortune cookies with dinner last night, and in one, I had no fortune at all...??....then I got one that said something about "your plan will be reached, or something". I just laughed, and said, "what plan?" Tonight I realize that is why I was having a pity party. I have no life plan. I just go from one day to another, trying to dodge what life throws at me. My pleasure comes from celebrating the successes of my children. I have always drawn a blank when people have asked me, "what is your goal, your five year plan?, etc." I always thought I'm too busy with the present to worry about the future. Just live one day at a time, was good enough for me. But then I have always felt like my life has had no purpose.....duh!!!!
So my new idea is to figure out what my plan will be.....and whatever it is, the fortune cookie said I will reach it, so how scary can this planning be???? My first goal will be to lose some of the cheesecake fat from tonight.....
So the pity party is over, and now searching for a plan begins. Do you think 60 is too old to figure out what I want to be when I grow up? I may have to get a new puppy though to hug and kiss until I can get my granchildren back home for good.

Whirling

Too much has happened over the weekend to sort it all out. First, another sad anniversay of 9/11, and all I can say is that I totally agree with Glen Beck. Why haven't those tower been rebuilt yet??? And now it won't even be called the Freedom Tower??? Sadly, America is losing its core by constant attacks of "politically correctness." I watched a wonderful moving show on Fox News about the events as they happened to survivors of that awful day. Obama now wants to turn it into a day of service to the State. What happened that day, was not about service. It was about Islamic terrorists attacking us in our own country, by using our own people in our planes as weapons. But now, we aren't allowed to even call it the War on Terror because we might offend the very people who carried the worst terrorist attack ever.......don't even get me started.......!!!!!
On Saturday, we headed to U of I for our second Illini game, this time agains ISU! Although there is almost nothing as much fun as a BIG TEN college campus on game day, I also wished that I could "twitch" my nose like in "Bewitched", and could have transported myself to the 9/12 Project March on Washington, D.C. Hundreds of thousands of brave, normal citzens protested all over the country about the excessive spending of our tax dollars that our new "hope and change" big government is burdening us with for decades to come. It was one of those days where physically I was helping Steve and John set up the tailgate for AKL, while my heart was with those protestors so many miles away. But once I followed Katy and the band march down Fourth Street into the staduim, my blue and orange blood got my heart back into the Illini game experience. This time the Illini won large, even though Juice, our quarterback got hurt on the first play. They won despite making many silly errors, which does not bode well for what could be a long, bad season. But, for this game, we felt like I'm sure Mizzou felt playing against us last week. This time Katy was exhausted from dancing after all the scoring!
After the game, we tore down the tent at AKL, stopped by with Dip to Katy's party, then closed Murphy's on Green. John, Dan, and Steve drank, while I drove the old AKL brothers home at 2 am. Dan is working vehemently to get our beloved "Chief" back now that we have new trustees. He is working on a scholarship for a real Indian student to portray the Chief. He has letters from all the majors tribal leaders, saying that they have no problem with our Chief. We have our own regalia now too. Since two of the last three Chiefs were AKL's, Dan and John are really trying to get the Chief restated as the symbol of the University. Katy said that she almost started crying doing the 3 in 1 at halftime of the game, because she could hear and see everyone in the stadium clapping and doing the Chief raised arms. She said it is the loudest time during the entire game. I really hope she gets to do it with the "Chief" before she graduates. I know I diress,but it is something politcal correctness took away from us, and it is an Illini thing you might not understand if you are not an Illini.
After crawling out of bed, we picked up Katy, ate, shopped, and started the treck home. We picked up dinner and took it to my folks(Steve's idea :)), so we could watch the first half of the opening game for the Bears! It was a close game, but was lost in the last two minutes on an interception. What a whirling rollercoaster of games and emotions all weekend.
And as I write this, Roxi and Jason and Anni are probably heading off to the mainland for another ultrasound on the new baby. I sure wish that nose thing would work, so I could be there too. The results of this test will help them decide where would be the best place to deliver my new granddaughter. Please pray for them all.
This is just the bare bones of what was whirling through my head this weekend. The ACORN story that broke was also a huge topic of conversation that whirled through different situations. But sometimes, we have to just live, have a drink with old friends, cheer on our team, say our silent prayers, and get some sleep.............

Pink Princess

Check out Roxi's blog on my link to see the darling little pink princess, Annikah! Life is so renewing when we can peak at the world and see it through the eyes of a three year old who feels like a princess on her special day. Oh, if life were so easy. We could just put on our crown and gown and become a Oueen for a Day! (Yes, I'm old enough to remember the old TV show). May every woman remember the days she was a princess, even when life makes her feel like the maid. And the real prince in your fairy tale is the man who can make you feel like his Princess every day! Keep smiling even if your crown is tarnished. :)

Great Expectations

No, I am not going to go Dickens on you, but I wanted to discuss how much time we spend or maybe waste on "great expectations" of upcoming events in our lives, only to be sorely disappointed. And sometimes, when we least expect anything great, we are truly surprised and often blessed beyond what we could even imagine. Some of the events we have had great hope for are proms, dates, weddings, parties, and even sporting events! The latter is what made me question this whole concept. This weekend, we excitedly travelled to St. Louis for the Arch Rivary football game between Illinios and Mizzou. History, should have subdued us, but we, like the sport editors who promised us an Illini victory, went with hopes high that this year was our turn to win!!!
Now I know it was just a football game, but you must understand the preparations that we had untaken before this weekend. On Friday night before the game, the schools have a Battle of the Bands under the arch. The last two years we have not only gone, but have taken Serendipity our GSHP. This year she was decked out in her Illini collar and leash, her jersey, and a tiger chew toy in her mouth! Yes, cameras were flashing as she "killed the tiger" for the masses of fans who also had high hopes after reading the press.
Now to be honest, a good English teacher like myself, should have seen the foreshadowing of gloom when we woke to a pouring rain storm on Saturday, but we still had high hopes, and the rain slowed by the time the tail-gating was supposed to start. Once again Dipity was a hit. She was even asked to go up on the DJ's stage to "kill her Tiger" to the sound of more flashing cameras and yells of glee that we would beat Mizzou! The only problem was that Dip had prepared more for the game than our team!
Now winning would be nice, but I truly go to see Katy dance, only we got into the stadium too late to see the preshow performance! Another expectation crushed. And although our girls looked beautiful in their new uniforms, I felt so sorry for them as the agony of the game seemed to go on forever. Katy later said, that fake smiling for an entire game while the fans looked on in shock, frustration, and finally disgust, was exhausting, and gave her a headache!
No kidding!
I have no idea what went wrong. We were a 6 point favorite. Our team had players who had been together for years, while they had a new quarterback, and had lost many of their All-Americans who had beaten us before. The only difference in this lost, was that we were expected to win. Before, we were the underdogs who almost won, and were within reach the entire game. Now we just blew it. Thus, when your expectations are high and are not met, the fall is worse. The sad thing is that with that lost, so many other people's hopes and dreams were dashed. Now I know it was just a game, but sometimes I think all of life is just a game. One play, or one decision in one's life can change the entire outcome of a game or life can't it?
My entire life I have had more pleasure in the sudden surprises that the game or life has given me, rather than the carefully hoped and planned activities that end up as disappointments. I never liked New Year's Eve, because there is so much pressure on celebrating a night that the entire world is celebrating. How can the expectation ever live up to that? The excitement comes from the interception that prevents the goal. Like training Dip, people plan and dream about proms or weddings only to realize the day is over before they know it. But it is the marriage that takes the work to make love last. It is finding out you are pregnant and 40, that brings the unexpected, unplanned thrill of your life! It is finding out that you are going to be a grandmother at your birthday party, not the party itself that is truly "Great"! Life is full of interceptions. The game is constantly changing. It is how we adapt to the game of life that will determine if we win or lose. We can have great expectations for our lives, but we have to be able to handle those game changing plays and still be able to walk out of life with pride. And an important thing to remember is that life is not a practice, or as we drama teachers use to say," life is not a dress rehearsal." This should not be a problem if God is our coach!

Caught in the Middle

I guess I am a part of that generation that is caught in the middle. I have children and parents that both need my attention. However, when this circumstance sometimes seems overwhelming, I just stop feeling sorry of myself, and thank God that I still have both of my parents, while my husband's parents has passed long ago at much younger ages than my folks are still truckin' at.
And more importantly, all my children are healthy and alive. Two of my neighbors growing up have lost sons. I can't even imagine that kind of sorrow. They also lost their Fathers at a very young age. Their Fathers never really knew their grandchildren, let alone their great-grandchildren. Why does one family have such anguish, and another across the street seem as my Mother always says, "so lucky"? I think we are just blessed, but I don't know why we were allowed to skip the tragedy with which so many families seem to be struck.
Why am I even thinking this today? Well, I took my Father to the hospital today for a stress test on his heart. It seems that when they were monitoring his pacemaker last month, they found that the lower part of his heart is not pumping quite as well as it should. Whenever I take my Dad to some appointment, I am always amused and proud of his wonderful sense of humor. He travelled eight states when I was growing up, and was always alone on the road, so he developed
a knack for conversation with every stranger he met. At 87, he still flirts with every nurse, or jokes with anyone who will sit still long enough for him to start a conversation. Today an attractive young nurse came to call his name in the waiting room, and he came back with, "She is stressing my heart already!" Later, two others came out laughing at his jokes about wanting his Manhatthan. They couldn't believe he was 87 and in such a good humor after having his back screwed together two years ago.
Although it has been very stressful having to go through all the change in the last two years of moving them up here, and going through many surgeries, I have bonded with my parents in a way I never imagined. I was always their "little girl", and this whole experience has often reversed our roles, however, they both amaze me with their inner strength and dignity, and will to live life to the fullest they can by their own terms.
Many times I think our generation feel like taffy being pulled by our parent's and our children's needs. But this makes us stretch and more pliable for what our future may hold for us.
Although I sometimes feel my life is not my own, and I don't know where my youth went, I, like my Mother, feel lucky to have survived it inspite of the whirl. I truly pray I can age as gracefully as my parents have. And I am grateful that they are now once again a part of my life that for years was so distant in miles, if not in heart.
So even though "Apollo 13" is one of my favorite movies because of the fortitude of the American spirit, I was so busy with my whirling life that I don't remember living through the actual event! How sad is it that a movie has to teach you what you missed in real life? Now I hope to learn from my parents what I missed from being their daughter five hours away. And at the same time I am constantly learning more about my children who are living their own exciting and challenging lives. My goal in writing this blog is to help me gather my thoughts and make some sense of it all as I enjoy being caught in the middle.....

Birthdays

As I mentioned yesterday, today was little Anni's 3rd birthday! There is nothing like the day you give birth to a child, except the day when your child gives birth to a child! Three years ago, we got the call and made the mad dash through rush hour in CHICAGO to get there in time to greet our precious first grandchild ! Now because they are in Africa, this has been the second birthday that we were not there to witness in person. When Katy and I went to see them in June after almost a year, I brought everything I thought a 3 year old would desire or need for her party, knowing that I would once again miss it. Now my daughter is having a very difficult pregnancy, and she may not come home to have the baby in Dec. Which means I won't be able to welcome and hold my new precioius granddaughter this time around. I have to believe that they are doing God's wishes, and this is my sacrifice. After everything Roxi and Jason have given up to do His bidding, I must search for the answer of why I can't be like normal grandmothers who get to share in their grandchildren's lives every day or week.
When I was pregnant at 30 with my first child, Roxi, I read a book about raising strong-willed children. I always say I don't remember any of it, but she must have had very early reading skills from in the womb, because she and all my children have been determined and strong-willed children. When we first decided that I was getting too old not to have a child, I was working, Steve was working two jobs, and again it was a whirl! I was terrified I would not be a good mother since I was never the type who wanted to hold other people's children, etc. But when, after an exciting, sometimes sickly, and definately fat pregnancy, and 28 hours of labor and apprehension of my own skills, this perfect little face with rose bud lips looked up at me, and my life changed forever.
I was a Mother! The cute, carefree college girl with dreams, the hard working drama teacher that wanted to change the lives of her students, the new wife who wasn't sure of herself; all those women were a distant memory. I was instantly in love with this little human being that had me hook line and sinker wrapped around her finger. Her strong will was already at work. From that moment on, the most important thing in my life was caring,protecting, loving, and fighting for my children.
Even though a new Mother is exhausted, the best time with her new baby is nursing that child in the quietness of the night. When the world is asleep, and you and the child are bonding peacfully alone. There is nothing like it! I then knew I had to do this again, despite the wear and tear on my fat body. Robbie was born two and half years later. And as with everything in their lives, the experience was unique and totally different, except for that middle of the night bonding that only a Mother can remember.
Katy was born ten years after Roxi, and at the initial pregnancy test I was shocked and depressed, at first. I was going to be 40! I was thin after a ruptured appendix almost killed me. I had just gotten Rob into first grade, and I stupidly thought my career with Discovery Toys (I had stopped teaching after Rob was born) was more important than this opps! But boy was I wrong! God does know what and who we need even when we think we are just fine. Roxi and Rob always fought until Katy arrived. They both became better siblings to her, and eventually each other. The entire dynamics of our family life changed with the birth of this loving little girl. I became the oldest room Mom; the experienced one. Roxi was like a little mother to her, and would take her every where. Sometimes people would mistake her for Katy's mom. A sad comment on society, or a good comment on the maturity of Roxi. Rob was the Big Brother that she later reported to me on when he had parties in the basement. Actually, because of Katy, we moved to a larger, beautiful home in a different school district.
When I went to one of my class reunions, I found out I had the youngest child while others already had grandchildren older than she. The result of me getting a late start, and other getting pregnant in high school. The effect however, was that Katy kept us young, while our classmates were settling into the grandparent era of their lives. Even now, at 60, I am drinking at Kam's on Mom's Day weekend or football weekends. And my grandchild is too far away to know.:)
All of our children were such different blessings. Each time through high school, it was a different experience. And even though I take no credit because the last 30 years went by in a whirl, something went right, because they are all awesome, loving, humanitarians. They are leaders without knowing it. They have great friends that would defend them to the end, because that is what they would do for their friends. I have often felt like the lyrics from a song in "Sound of Music"...."I must have done something right..." I now know it was the hand of God that help me to raise these exceptional children. They all have taught me His love, and many more things I can't even describe. I often feel like the child, instead of the parent when I see the wisdom they use to navigate this world.
I also appreciate the gifts my parents have given me. The many challenges they had, the sacrifices they made to give me the life I have had.(No brother or sisters, so they could send me to college, a first in our family) It is that bond we have with a tiny new baby, that stays with us for decades. It is that bond we feel when they are in trouble or sick. It is that bond we feel when the disappoint us or we disappoint them. It is that bond we feel when we want to protect them and keep them close to our breast, even knowing at the same time we have to let them go make their own way in life. All we can do is ask God to go with them where we can't go. Children are gifts given to us to make us better humans, and then we have to let them go to start the cycle all over again. And when we get to share in the next gifts, the next generation, we truly realize how special our time with them was, and wish we could do it all over again.
I hope Anni had a wonderful pink, princess birthday party today. I was there in heart! She is experiencing some many exciting experiences that most three year olds would never know. How many three years olds speak three languages? or even know where Africa is except for "Lion King"? So I have to not question why God has taken her and her family away from me on her birhday, but what incredible things does He have in store for this next strong willed generation of mine............

Home again

We live in Wheaton, Il, but also have a new, beautiful home on Lake Geneva, WI. We were up there this weekend when I started this project, but now we are home again. Although I'm home which ever house I am currently at. We took my parents up to the lake this weekend, which is always a project since they are both in their mid-eighties, and both have different problems getting around. When we built the home we made a special handicapped bathroom on the main floor for them, and a bedroom what is filled with many of my Mother's antiques.

You see, I was an only child, and was raised in Collinsville, Il. So for years we would travel downstate to go home again, but over a year and a half ago, my Father fell and broke his back. After two surgeries, it became obivious that they could no longer live over 5 hours away, thus we moved them up here near us. My husband graciously pay to get them into a very nice independent living place up here. It took a year to sell the home they had built themselves. So now my childhood home is no longer ours.

All this happened the same year we had already torn down our old lake house, and had started building our new one. Thus why I first stated that my life has always seem to whirl by faster than I can comprehend it all at the time I'm living it. But this weekend, we were all "home again" at the lake. Many of my Mother's favorite furniture was able to be used to beautifully fill my new empty rooms. Thus, I think when they come to visit us, they are also visiting a part of their old home. My son Rob and his girlfriend Annie came up for the weekend too. We all talked via skype to Roxi and Anni this morning. For them it was evening of course, but for a few minutes it was as if we were all together in time and space at our new home.

Tomorrow is Anni's 3rd birthday, and she was so excited as we all sang to her. I will blog more later about her pink princess birthday party, or you can read the link to Roxi's blog, who is by far a better writer than I. As we sang across the globe, I couldn't help but think how lucky we are to live in a time with such modern devices that can put us all in the same place for at least a few minutes. I know my Mother was amazed too, as she turned to Daddy and said ,"Can you believe we can just talk into the computer and hear them half way around the world?" Believe me after 4 flights and about 36 hours it took me to get there in June, it was amazing to me too. How did the families that said good-by to a loved one as they felt by a ship to make the same trip ever survive? I could never deal without seeing and hearing from them.

The only other family member missing this weekend was Katy, our youngest. Next weekend we will see her perform at the Arch Rival game between Illinois and Missouri. You see, after years of driving her to dance classes, and hours of practice, her talent led her to being an Illinette at U of I. However, Katy is so much more than just an Illinette! She is a beautiful, intelligent, kind, independent young woman! More about her gifts later. However, because of the game, we will be back in my hometown again, only now the house has been sold, and someone else will be living in it, and that will seem very strange.

After driving 5 hours, the car just seems to go up the hill to Grandma's house, but instead, it is now only a memory of "home". I will stop to visit my God Mother, Aunt Irene, because I don't know when I'll see her again otherwise. Just two years ago, we stayed with my parents, and even took them to Katy's first game ever to perform as a freshman. As I look at those pictures, time again whirls by.

It is late, and I'm sure I'm wandering, but I guess I realize that when I am home again, it is where ever my family and heart is. The structure is not important is it? Like Dorothy, we are home already, when we are with those we love.

First I should explain the title of this new adventure into the blog world. After visiting my oldest daughter Roxanne and her family in Africa, I found out that to my granddaugther, Annikah, I am no longer Grammy, but Bibi which means grandmother in Swahili. The second part, is as I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I have often thought of the young woman I once was, and have asked how has she gotten to this place in my life. I have been extremely lucky to have had a well travelled and fortunate life. God has certainly blessed me and mine. It will be my attempt to find the meaning of these experiences that seemed to whirl by so quickly as I lived them. I will also try to find the meaning of what God has in store for me now.
This whole blogging thing will be a challenge, but I am hoping an old dog can learn this new trick.