Hangin' In There

The month is coming to a close with an extra day, but I seem to just be going through the motions of day to day living. Sunday would have been my parents 64 anniversary, so I took Tanya, Kitty, and my Dad to Red Lobster to celebrate. He got all dressed up to go out with his girls! We had a really fun time, and it made the day pass without too much stress for my Dad. He is actually do quite well. I think after living with Mom's constant falling and dementia for over two years, he feels somewhat relieved that he doesn't have to worry about her anymore. He couldn't take care of her anymore, and that lack of control over a situation frustrated him. He also has a new found respect for Tanya which is great. She is pampering him well. Dr. Chang came to check him out last week, and when Tanya described what happened with my Mom, he said he thought she had had a blood clot in her lungs. It was the only answer for him that would take her so quickly. What is strange, is that is the same way Steve's Mother died.
A friend of mine from church, who was dealing with her mother's dementia, lost her mother on Valentine's Day. We hugged on Ash Wednesday, and decided to do lunch around Mother's Day to share our memories. I was lucky tho, that Mom was lucid. Her mother was angry and mean the last months before she passed.
Great Performances last week had the Broadway musical "Memphis" on, and I so wanted to call her to tell her to watch it, because I know she would have loved it. Watching the Academy Awards without her seemed weird too. I think about her fondly, but it is strange that I seem to be doing okay otherwise. I know a lot of people are praying for me, and I feel that support, because I am not wallowing in grief. Maybe it is because we didn't have a service yet. Or, like Dad, I truly feel she is in a better place and didn't enjoy living stuck in bed. I've never lost anyone close before, so I am making my way down this unknown path slowly and carefully. 88 years is a good life. Losing a child would be far harder. I also told Roxi, that in a way, I feel like I had already lost my Mother to the dementia. Once you have to parent your parent, you stop being the child in a way. I'm just moving on, hoping that I don't suddenly fall down the rabbit hole of despair. But right now, I'm hanging in there, so thanks for the prayers, they're working to keep me sane....