Some Random Thoughts on Moms and Mother's Day

Here is a picture of the gifts I received from two of my children for Mother's Day. The purple flowers were from Katy, and the bamboo plant from Rob! I also got to skype with Roxi and Anni on Mother's Day. After Katy's flowers came, Steve and I drove up to the lake house after picking up Rob from the train in Harvard. On Saturday we had had lunch at Macaroni Grill with my Mother and Dad , to celebrate her birthday and Mother's Day combined. I am so lucky to have my Mother still alive, and to have three loving, bright, healthy children. A mom's dream come true is to have her children make her proud everyday, and mine do just that! As I have said before, I often feel like my children are teaching me, rather than the other way around.

Although I'm sure we only have a Mother's day to make the card companies and florists rich, it is nice that for a day, we can relay to the most important person in our life what we feel all year long. At least that is the Hallmark idea, right? After all, your mother gave birth to you after hours of labor, went through nine months of getting fat for you, and then proceeded never to let you forget it!

Motherhood has so many myths surrounding it, doesn't it? When you first find out you are pregnant you are either thrilled beyond belief or scared out of your mind. It all depends on if you wanted to be a mother, or if you are ready to be a mother. Women are all ages and are all in different stages of their lives when they get the news that they will be a MOTHER! The miracle, the blessing of a child is God's greatest gift. To have a little piece of immortality growing inside of you is so awesome and terrifying at the same time. The sudden weight of the responsibility of not only giving birth to a healthy baby, but then to raise it to adulthood without harm or damage. After all, if the child grows up to have any problems, the first thing the shrink will ask is,"what kind of Mother did you have?" We can't win, it is always our fault, right? A Mother's guilt is our own destructive tool. We either feel guilty, or we try to make our offspring feel guilty. Maybe it is the curse of Eve.

And with all this responsibility, there comes no direction manual, no guidance, no real relief. For at least the next 18 years, the child is stuck with you wandering around trying not to make the same mistakes you thought your mother made raising you. I guess that is why most of us somehow grow up just fine. Blind luck. Each generation tries to be better than the last, yet those old tapes play in our heads, and at some point or another, we hear our mother's words that we promised we'd never say to our children, coming right out of our own mouths!

The fantasy of motherhood and the reality collide at different times for each of us, but they do collide! We all grow into being the best mom we can differently. The bond between a child and their mother should be a sacred, loving bond, that is sometimes challenged, but because of the unconditional love we have for our own child, it can never be broken.

That has been my experience with my Mother and with being a mother. However, everyday we see the emptiness when one part of the bond doesn't hold up their end. Poverty, drugs, even death separate mothers and children all the time. Even wealth can be as destructive as poverty. People sending their children off to camps and boarding schools for someone else to nurture their own. Katy witnessed this a few years back when she went to the Sail Caribbean camp with wealthy kids from the Hamptons. One poor boy was not allowed to go home when the ship docked, because without consulting him, his parents had signed him up for another three weeks. I can't even imagine that loneliness that child must have felt. And as a mom, I couldn't wait to pick Katy up from the airport because I had missed her so, and it was the first time she had been away from home for three weeks.

For me, one of the greatest thrills about being a mom is watching how each little child develops into its own person with dreams and goals you couldn't even imagine for him or her.

And the next most amazing thing, is to watch your child become a mother in her own right, to watch the next generation become an amazing child of God. I hope I can live long enough to see great-grandchildren, like my parents have seen, but I got started so late in life with the whole motherhood thing, I don't know if I can hang around long enough to realize that dream without being a burden on my children. Time will tell, I guess. I know my parents are so proud to see my children and the next generation achieve things they never even imagined.

Yes, Motherhood is a wonderful miracle, a God given gift, despite the pain and tears that sometimes come with it. Even though there are mistakes, misunderstandings, fears, and confusion on both sides of motherhood. There is also unconditional love, forgiveness, laughter, and comfort whether we are the mother's arms, or if we are in a mother's arms. For this I am doubly grateful, and I feel sorry for those who either have lost a child or a mom on Mother's Day. Mother's Day for me is not a day to recieve gifts but to truly count all my blessings! (But cards and flowers are also appreciated.)